Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
