Please, let me fuck your mom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
