1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
