with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
