No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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