Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
