Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
