I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize