he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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