idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
