Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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