I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm passing your future prison.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
