I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you win again, gameday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
