Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
