You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
