I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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