I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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