I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Randomize
