We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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