Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
