Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
