But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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