I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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