you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
