There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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