I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
