I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
