he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
