Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Damn victory sex feels great
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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