doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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