If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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