So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my poor anus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
