I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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