There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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