I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
