Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
