I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
