Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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