No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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