Do you still have your period?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
