The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
