Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
