Your dad touched me again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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