I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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