If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
