I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
