if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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