God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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