sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize