you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
