u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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