I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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