Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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