Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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