Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
