If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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