When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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