Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
