420 ftw
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
