New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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