Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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