I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
