This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
