dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
