you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize