We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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