did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
