Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
