dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
