If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
