she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
