How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
