I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
