My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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