You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
