he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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