What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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