You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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