Welp...herpes.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
