Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
