Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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