This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it glows. i had to have it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's always time for handjobs
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
