I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
