Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
