He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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