i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
